Discussing a New Dementia Diagnosis with a Relative

Thank you for coming in, and your mother has agreed for us to talk together. I'm Dr Reyes. I know this is an anxious time — how are you feeling about it all?

Honestly, I'm dreading what you're going to say, even though part of me has known something was wrong.

That mix of dread and 'I sort of knew' is very common, and it's a lot to carry. After the assessments and the scan, the diagnosis is Alzheimer's disease, which is the most common cause of dementia. It gradually affects memory and thinking, and it explains the changes you've been noticing in your mum.

I feel terrible. I kept putting it down to old age. I should have brought her in months ago.

Please be gentle with yourself — almost everyone assumes memory changes are just ageing at first; that's completely understandable and it's not a failing on your part. Alzheimer's comes on so gradually that it's genuinely hard to spot, and bringing her now means we can put support in place. You have not let her down.

Thank you. What happens now? How fast does it get worse?

It varies a great deal from person to person, and it usually progresses slowly over years rather than suddenly. I can't give an exact timeline, but there's a lot we can do to help her live well for as long as possible. There are medications that can help some people's symptoms, and practical support to keep her safe and independent at home.

I'm scared about coping. And… will she forget who I am?

Those are two of the hardest fears, and I won't pretend they're not real possibilities in time — but that's often later, and meaningful connection frequently remains even as memory fades. On coping, you absolutely shouldn't do this alone: there's carer support, respite, memory services, and organisations that walk families through exactly this. Supporting you matters as much as supporting your mum.

That's reassuring — I thought I'd just be left to get on with it.

Not at all. Practically, I'd suggest we link you with the memory service and a dementia support worker, talk about planning ahead — including things like lasting power of attorney while your mum can be involved in decisions — and review medication options. There's a lot, so we'll take it in stages, not all today.

Okay. That helps me feel less lost. Where do I start?

Start by looking after yourself too, and I'll set up the memory service referral and give you written information and a helpline. We'll see your mum again soon to discuss treatment. You're clearly a devoted daughter, and she's lucky to have you in her corner.

Thank you. I came in feeling alone and I don't now.

I'm really glad. This is a journey, and you'll have support at every stage. Please call the memory service or us whenever you need to.