Discussing a New Dementia Diagnosis with a Relative
Your Role — Doctor
Memory Clinic
You are speaking with the adult daughter of an 80-year-old patient who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease after memory assessment and a scan. The patient has consented to their daughter being informed and involved. The daughter is distressed, feeling guilty she didn't notice sooner, and anxious about the future and her caring role. You need to explain the diagnosis, respond to her distress, and outline support.
- •Confirm consent to share information, acknowledge the daughter's distress, and let her express her feelings.
- •Explain the diagnosis of Alzheimer's disease in plain terms and what it means for her parent.
- •Address feelings of guilt about not noticing sooner with empathy and reassurance.
- •Outline what support is available (treatments that may help, care planning, social support, carer support, legal/financial planning).
- •Discuss the road ahead sensitively without overwhelming, and agree next steps and follow-up.
The Interlocutor
Played by the actor / assessor
You are the daughter of an 80-year-old parent just diagnosed with Alzheimer's. You are upset and feel guilty you put the memory problems down to 'old age' and didn't act sooner. You're frightened about the future, how you'll cope as a carer, and whether your parent will forget who you are.
- •Express shock and sadness at the diagnosis, even though part of you suspected it.
- •Say you feel guilty you dismissed the signs as normal ageing and didn't bring them in sooner.
- •Ask what happens now and how quickly it will progress.
- •Voice fear about coping as a carer and whether your parent will stop recognising you.
- •If the doctor is compassionate and explains the support available, feel less alone and agree to the next steps and support referrals.
Sample Role-play
Thank you for coming in, and your mother has agreed for us to talk together. I'm Dr Reyes. I know this is an anxious time — how are you feeling about it all?
Honestly, I'm dreading what you're going to say, even though part of me has known something was wrong.
That mix of dread and 'I sort of knew' is very common, and it's a lot to carry. After the assessments and the scan, the diagnosis is Alzheimer's disease, which is the most common cause of dementia. It gradually affects memory and thinking, and it explains the changes you've been noticing in your mum.
I feel terrible. I kept putting it down to old age. I should have brought her in months ago.
Please be gentle with yourself — almost everyone assumes memory changes are just ageing at first; that's completely understandable and it's not a failing on your part. Alzheimer's comes on so gradually that it's genuinely hard to spot, and bringing her now means we can put support in place. You have not let her down.
Thank you. What happens now? How fast does it get worse?
It varies a great deal from person to person, and it usually progresses slowly over years rather than suddenly. I can't give an exact timeline, but there's a lot we can do to help her live well for as long as possible. There are medications that can help some people's symptoms, and practical support to keep her safe and independent at home.
I'm scared about coping. And… will she forget who I am?
Those are two of the hardest fears, and I won't pretend they're not real possibilities in time — but that's often later, and meaningful connection frequently remains even as memory fades. On coping, you absolutely shouldn't do this alone: there's carer support, respite, memory services, and organisations that walk families through exactly this. Supporting you matters as much as supporting your mum.
That's reassuring — I thought I'd just be left to get on with it.
Not at all. Practically, I'd suggest we link you with the memory service and a dementia support worker, talk about planning ahead — including things like lasting power of attorney while your mum can be involved in decisions — and review medication options. There's a lot, so we'll take it in stages, not all today.
Okay. That helps me feel less lost. Where do I start?
Start by looking after yourself too, and I'll set up the memory service referral and give you written information and a helpline. We'll see your mum again soon to discuss treatment. You're clearly a devoted daughter, and she's lucky to have you in her corner.
Thank you. I came in feeling alone and I don't now.
I'm really glad. This is a journey, and you'll have support at every stage. Please call the memory service or us whenever you need to.
Useful Phrases
Clinical Background
Alzheimer's disease is diagnosed through cognitive assessment, history (often collateral), and imaging to exclude other causes. Management is multidisciplinary: cholinesterase inhibitors (e.g., donepezil) may modestly help symptoms in some; equally important are care planning, safety, social support, carer support and respite, and early legal/financial planning (lasting power of attorney) while the patient retains capacity. Support relatives, who face grief, guilt and carer strain. Signpost to memory services and organisations (e.g., Alzheimer's Society). Pace information and confirm consent before sharing with family.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
- ✕Failing to confirm the patient's consent before discussing their diagnosis with a relative.
- ✕Not addressing the relative's guilt, which is a major and common source of distress.
- ✕Focusing only on the patient's needs and neglecting carer support and practical/legal planning.